So cold It's only the voice in your head
by MadQueen666
Summary: Are we all cursed or is the word so cruel? This is the question, that everyone at Hogwarts is arsking. This is a drama because I ever thought that Hogwarts is to perfectly.


"_Kill him." Two so very simple words, carrying so much cruelty, pain and mourning. "Kill him. That's it, what you always wished for." This voice again, no more than a whisper, but so urgently that he couldn't stop listening. Two fucking words, they would change his whole life, they would solve all his problems. But what then? Death was never a good way out. His mother told him that once and died then to prove it. Death didn't change anything. It did not make anything better, made nothing bearable, it only destroyed. Could he do this to him? Could he?_

"_Kill him!" This time it wasn't a whisper anymore, it was a loud, piercing voice which tried to take over every centimetre of his head. Violence isn't a solution, only a good and acceptable way, but wasn't the journey usually the goal?_

"_Kill him." It was a whisper again, not more than a breath, but just as urgently, just as threatening as before, only now just quiet. Was it true what the voice told him? Would everything change? For the better? He supposed that this was the question to which he would never get an answer. Because what this voice required of him, what this darkness required of him would never come true. "Kill him."_

Tylor opened his eyes. Abruptly he sat upright in his bed, staring at the dark wall in front of him and breathing heavily. Sweat beaded on his forehead, his throat was dry as if he had been crying and his body felt as if he had run a marathon in record time. Trembling, he ran a hand through his jet-black hair, stroking it back and remaining for a moment, then he left his bed and went to the open window.

"Tay? Can't you sleep?", a quiet voice asked from the other side of the room and the boy turned slowly with a fake smile.

"Everything's okay." His voice was usually emotionless, his gaze showed only cold, on his lips was the contrived smile. He was himself again, or at least as far as he'd ever been. Jillian rolled over on the other side and dazed away again, ignoring his brother completely as he always did in such nights. A moment he watched him, saw that brown hair, the tanned skin, he saw so much of his mother and so little from himself. How could that be? How could one of the twins come after an angel and the other was the black sheep of the family, the one that did not quite fit into the picture. He bit his lip until blood floated through his teeth and wetted his tongue, then he turned back to the window, looked out on the trees, the fields an wished he could be far away. Anywhere where the dankness couldn't find him. The quiet, hardly understandable whisper in his head resounded again, he ignored it again like he did since so many years and again, a small part of himself disappeared.

Chapter 1.

The water beaded up on the smooth pane, flowed down and left its track on the picture as if white threads would roam the countryside. The blonde girl sat next to the window, looking outside numbly, and had tuned her surroundings out, at least until the door opened and three students, unfortunately very familiar to her, entered and sat down. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Three names you did not fucking forget, no matter in which house you where, no matter how much you listened to their story, no matter how much you ignored them. Orsay looked out of the window again, ignored the gazes of the three and descended into her own world again. Yes, she wasn't the schoolgirl you see sitting together with the golden trio in the compartment. The bangs of her long blond hair fell deep over the eyes and covered the stinging green, her skin was cold, her eyes dull and she was already dressed in her school uniform and thus also donned the mantle of the house Slytherin. She never thought that the proudest of all Gryffindors would sit next to a Slytherin, but somehow, it amused her.

With one hand, she brushed a lock of hair out of her face, looked out of the window again and tried to ignore her compartment comrades as good as she could. Which would have been possible if Granger hadn't begun to ramble again and talked about a very interesting book, at least from the perspective of the brown-haired girl. What the hell did Draco see in her that he always watched her when he thought himself unseen? That he dreamed of her secretly or stared at her the whole lesson had gone, of course, not unnoticed to her, as his best friend, but she couldn't understand it anyway. The compartment door opened again and she smiled.

"Hey Jillian." The boy grinned at her, adjusted his gold-red tie briefly and sat down next to his best friend.

"Had happy holidays, Orsay?" She nodded and looked to the door, when another person entered and the compartment closed behind him. Tylor, also her best friend and the younger twin brother of Jillian sat down next to Granger, who eyed him briefly, but was silent. Yes, perhaps it looked sightly weird. Two Slytherin, one Gryffindor and two of them were twins. Orsay had to grin. The two had always been as different as only day and night could be.

Jillian, always time open, always helpful, always friendly.

Tylor, always cold, always locked and always in his own world.

She already knew a long time, strictly speaking since four years what was up in his head or at least she believed she knew. As Jill had once put it not exactly kind, his brother wasn't quite right up top. However, he never talked more detailed about the matter and Tylor behaved as inconspicuous as possible. Even if she noticed the constant fatigue, the permanent absent-mindedness and even the occasional self-talks, she also was silent.

It was not her right nor her task to interfere there and she liked, no, she loved Tylor as he was and not otherwise. Not clear, not correctly, not the only one in his head. But just as he was.

The black-haired stared holes into the air, did not answer to her silent salutation and was not interested in the golden trio which looked slightly confused at the three.

"You are from our level, aren't you?", Hermione asked, who apparently wanted to start a conversation. A little bit clumsy, but Orsay decided to go with it. She had nothing against Granger, at least nothing that would have made a conversation impossible.

"Yes we are." She answered coolly therefore, still maintained her façade, while Jillian smiled at them friendly. "Maybe you have never really noticed me, but I'm sitting in pretty much every lesson behind you." He grinned, but Hermione nodded in agreement, so she could remember.

"My name is Jillian West. You don't have to introduce yourself. That's my brother Tylor and my best friend Orsay Banner." She had to grin than he named her as his best friend but that they were indeed, so he was right with this titling. Tylor looked silently at the golden trio for a moment then he stand up and opened the compartment door.

"I'll go to Draco." He took leave and Orsay called after him quickly, he should align greetings, even if the blonde did not like such things.

Hermione gaped at her, Ron snorted and Harry's gaze immediately became a little more distant.

Oh well, there was someone out of sorts with Malfoy. Orsay grinned even wider. "What?", she then asked provocative and raised an eyebrow but the three just waved it off. Weasley looked for a moment at her, then he shrugged his shoulders to answer her question.

"Well, we didn't thought Malfoy would bother with someone who is friends with Gryffindors", he muttered and Orsay straighten herself, her eyes had something steely while Jillian rolled his eyes beside her. He knew what would come next and somehow he was sorry for Ron. No, maybe not.

"Just for you to know, Weasley." She spat his name literally what made her earn bad looks from Potter and Granger. "Draco doesn't bother with me, he asked me for my friendship and I gave it to him. We get along very well. He is a friendly person for whom I'd put my shirt on and no matter how you got to know him in the last few years, you're wrong! You know him no piece, you don't know anything about his opinion about lions. Solely his opinion about Potter is known to you. And the about Weasley. Honestly, I can understand it all too well, but I have no pressure from home and can make friends with whom I will accordingly."

The golden trio starred at her for a moment then Orsay stood up and grabbed Jillians hand. "Come on, we're going to Draco." So they left the compartment.

Draco had sent his two monkeys away, they had annoyed him and now he sat alone in the compartment with Daphne. Sometimes quite pleasant, at least she did not speak and if she opened his mouth, there was not just crap coming out of it. He ran his fingers through his white-blonde hair and stared out of the window. The landscape that flitted past before his eyes was so known familiar to him but he wasn't glad to see it again. Hogwarts was a good place to stay away from the madness at home, but it was also the place where he suffered day by day next tragedy. Why did he have always such bad luck?

Couldn't his head just tell his heart to look for another target? No, he could not, of course not. He sighed and looked to the compartment door when it was quietly opened and Tylor entered. He liked the other, but somehow he had found in all the years still no connection to him and it seemed as if aside from Jillian, Orsay and Tylor himself no one would know as it looked inside of him. Draco had once tried to understand the thoughts of the other, that was in the third class, but he had failed miserably and had given it up. This chaos he didn't need and want to understand, even if it might help him.

"Na? Where have you left your brother and Orsay?", he asked in his usual distant tone, but in response he only received a nod out into the corridor. So in another compartment. Tylor let himself down next to Daphne, who smiled shortly at him and then turned back to her book that apparently dealt with some complex magical potions. Draco could never share her love for this subject. Yes, he was good at magic potions and he also liked professor Snape, he was, after all, his house-teacher but real love he had never left for this kind of magic. The door opened again and Orsay and Jillian entered, greeted him with a short smile and sat down too. Orsay next to Draco and Jillian next to his brother. "Really, Draco? I can't understand what you see in her", Banner grumbled and the addressed turned his head towards her, questioningly.

"What is that supposed to mean now?"

She shrugged her shoulders and murmured something that he couldn't understand and turned her gaze out of the window. Just as he wanted to tell her to speak plain text, the compartment door opened again and when he looked up, his jaw almost dropped. Hermione Ganger stood in the gangway and somehow seemed as the following would be embarrassing to her.

"Orsay? Can I speak to you for a moment?", she asked and the blonde girl nodded, stood up and followed her out into the hallway, where she closed the door and waited. "I wanted to say that I find your little speech was impressively brave." Blankly, Orsay lifted an eyebrow and nodded.

"Um, thanks?" Hermione continued.

"So I wanted to ask you if we could do something together more often. I would like to know you and your friends better."

"Is this now a peace or a friendship offer?" Orsay was, she could say that openly, overwhelmed, but when Hermione smiled she had to smile too.

"Both", she clarified and shook the blonde's hand, then she disappeared as fast as she had arrived. Orsay went back into the compartment, flabbergasted, and grinned as she saw the demanding looks from the others.

"Oh well. Granger and I, we are friends now, I suppose." She laughed and triumphantly sat down next to Draco who could only stare at her.


End file.
